MAINSTREAM COMEDY REVIEWS

Opening paragraph about how unpromising the film looks, set up for disparaging pun in the final paragraph:

"So it looks like well known blonde bombshell and well renowned shit-for-brains Cameron Diaz is playing a teacher. Is this sci-fi or comedy? And its written by the CUNTS who wrote Year One. It was with trepidation that I went into the cinema to see it for free. Would it be an A or would it have to stay late after school for, I dunno, joke classes or some shit?"

Second paragraph: brief details of the story which is consumed by details about the actor, the actor's personal life and a token credit from a film the actor would rather forget about so as to hammer home the point that they're shit.

"Diaz plays a bad teacher but really, the only thing she could teach me is how to sleep because I'm bored. In real life, Diaz goes out with fellas. One of the fellas she went out with was Justin Timberlake who is in this film as a teacher also. The last time this prick did comedy it was in The Love Guru which was bad."

Third paragraph: bemoaning the story's direction, hypothetical unasked for corrections which contain spoilers for the film as it exists now:

"The film follows Cameron Diaz's struggle to save up money for a boob job to impress Justin Timberlake. This is stupid. Were I the film's author, I would have made him the main person who needed a penis enbiggener. Jason Segal plays the goofy PE teacher she ends up with in the films final minute (SPOILER!)"

Forth paragraph: bullshit about wanting to like the film so as not to look like a troll but its all bullshit because ...

"I wanted to like this film but went in with a bad attitude. Added to that, everything I wanted to happen did not and as such I was disappointed."

Final paragraph: .... you complete the bitchy shitty joke set up in the first paragraph that jumped into your head the day the film was announced. Usually a pun on the title, the lead's profession, the director's previous films or something that only makes sense to you.

"All in all, Bad Teacher needs to stay late for Joke Class! Bad Teacher + Cameron Diaz = Bad Film."